Dillierama

Five things one or the other of us has said recently

1. "I'm going to kill that goddamned cat, I'm not joking"
2. "Is this dried poop on my sleeve?"
3. "How much do you think a good Vegas hooker might cost?"
4. "How many boobs do you think you've had in your mouth? Not including your mother of course."
5. "Did you just fart a corndog?"

Five things I REALLY want

Sorry about the late five lists lately...

1. A new stainless steel kitchen sink
2. Tile floors in my kitchen and bathrooms
3. Laser corrective eye surgery
4. A digital SLR camera (I took John to see a Nikon D50 this weekend, oh, it's so pretty. I WANT ONE!!!)
5. Someone to come and landscape my yard

Five things that are making me happy right this minute

1. The sound of Alex and John playing in the hallway right outside the office.  They are both laughing like crazy people.  Alex keeps squealing and running down the hall.
2. The fact that I ate banana bread for dinner (Thanks Mark!)
3. My birthday is four days away and I'll be 29 years old.  I can eat cake guilt free.
4. Our downsairs carpet was steam cleaned this week and it looks great.
5. My back doesn't hurt very bad anymore, even though I spent 2 hours yesterday rearranging our furniture (all by myself)

Five things from my life list

1. Ride in a hot air balloon
2. Travel to Austrailia and learn to play a digeridoo
3. Write a book
4. Loose 100 pounds (from my heaviest weight in 1999.  Only 49 pounds to go! This one is taking a while to accomplish.)
5. Learn to ballroom dance with my husband

Five games Alex loves to play

1. Animal:  He bites legs / toes while growling, and laughing
2. The Great Heater Vent Removal Race:  He takes a heater vent out of the floor, then when I go to put it back, he runs to another one and removes it.  I go to put that one back and he runs into another room to take one out... and on and on...
3. Annoying Mom With Sound:  John and I were stupid enough to get him a toy Hummer for his birthday that has buttons for sound.  Alex loves just leaning on the horn button.  FOR HOURS.  BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
4. Drop Toys Down The Stairs:  self explanatory
5. Refrigerator Magnet Removal Relay:  He takes all the letter magnets off the refrigerator and throws them around the kitchen, then stands in the corner and laughs while I put them back on.

Five strange dreams I've had in the last week

1. I am a famous actress and I'm married to Tom Cruise. We go rock climbing where we meet John at the top of a mountain. I push Tom off the cliff and make out heavily with John.
2. I am a butterfly fluttering in a beautiful green meadow.  Alex captures and eats me.
3. Howard Dean is my transvestite housekeeper.  He wears a floral mumu and a long curly red wig. He yells "Byaaaah!" when he kills spiders.
4. The entire world is a gigantic jigsaw puzzle.  Alex and I are responsible for putting it together or else everyone will die.  I spend a lot of time worrying about Alex eating puzzle pieces.
5. I am at the beach and have sunburned my back. I get stung by a bee repeadedly. (I think this was because I was sleeping on a heating pad last night and kept rolling over the on/off switch and it was poking me)

Five things I did today

I'm totally blogger-blocked.  So, this week, you get a list of what I did today

1. Two loads of laundry
2. Cleaned kitty poo box
3. Went to the grocery store
4. Took Alex to the park to play in the dirt even though play group was cancelled
5. Read 4 books to Alex

Five children's shows that I have to physically restrain myself from clawing my eyes out while watching

1. Boobah
2. Teletubbies
3. The Wiggles
4. Barny
5. Dragon Tales

Five things I've done for the last time

1. Waved "bye bye" to the boy while pulling away to go to work
2. Daily status conference call
3. Walk around the business park for exercise
4. Purchased a diet pepsi from a vending machine using my debit card
5. Wrote my very last test case.  Ever.  (or at least for this project)

I've finished the last actual work I'll be doing for this company. I've gathered up all my keys and security cards, I've deleted my personal files from my machine... I'm done.  All that is left now is to say goodbye to a few people and walk out that door for the last time.  For some reason I'm still hanging around.  I'm putting off writing my cheesy "good bye" email to everyone because I just don't know what to say. I'll figure it out, and soon I'll pry myself away from my old desk and say goodbye to my friends. I'll drive home, pick up my boy and I know that in a few weeks or months time, I wonder why I didn't do it much sooner.

Five places I expect to find John's contacts

John has never actually thrown away his monthly disposable contacts.  He finds it hilarious to stick them somewhere for me to find.  At which time I have to scrape the little dried up lens off of whatever surface he chose to stick it.  This little game amuses him to no end, so I continue to play along, every month, finding a crusty blue contact lens on my bathroom mirror, on a light switch, in the refrigerator... a few months ago I found one on my foot. Did I just step on one or did he stick it there without my noticing?  Who knows.  So this week's five is a list of places I expect to find those little buggers one day:

1. On my car's windshield
2. On the keys of my piano
3. On the plastic eyes of Alex's teddy bear
4. Frozen in an ice cube, quite possibly melting in a glass of water I happen to be drinking
5. On his nipples like mini-pasties