Dillierama

Diet update - no progress

I think I've said before I'm a stress eater, which explains why I've gained the 2 pounds I'd lost back.  This week has been monumentally stressful for no other reason than I have an almost two year old who is testing my limits each and every day, hour, minute...  It's a constant, unending struggle that leaves me some days feeling drained of my very will to live.  Yea, I know, dramatic much?

My goal is to parent in a loving, caring and calm manner.  I don't want to spank, and I haven't.  I don't want to yell, but I do.  I want to discipline him in a way that is positive and effective, but trust me, time-outs, they. are. not. working.  So, we're doing a lot of distraction, which is exhausting given the fact that my son, well, he's just like his daddy in that he's incredibly focused and stubborn.  If he wants to shove all of his hot wheels and transformer toys into the air vents, well by god, he's gonna do it!

The good news is that Alex is turning into such a fun, exciting, happy little boy and even given his stubbornness and ridiculously high activity level, I wouldn't have him any other way.  Being his mommy may cause me to crash into bed at the end of the day clutching a half eaten cheeseburger in one hand and an empty bottle of Merlot in the other, but it sure is a wild ride I'm |most of the time| happy to be on.

We're going on "vacation" next week.  I say "vacation" because there really is no such thing as a vacation if you take a toddler with you.  It's against the law to diet while on vacation, so I'm just going to enjoy myself the best I can and assess the damage when we get back.

Yay me!

The scale told me I am down two pounds this morning. GO ME!  Alright, so two pounds is far from impressive, however, what is impressive (to me anyway), is that I was able to stick to a diet for an entire week.  A feat I haven't managed to accomplish since before I got pregnant.  To astound you with my dieting prowess even more, this week, this week I've been on a diet, is the very same week I've been on my period, aka the week I wanted french fries more than air. 

Surprisingly, it hasn't been all that hard.  I have to admit, I'd gone over my allowed calories and fat grams almost every day, but I was still well below what I normally eat.

In other news, I read a whole book last night.  A whole book without pictures or 30 point font with well over 15 words per page.  John wanted to watch boring sports stuff all night (both the NBA draft - YAWN - and the USA v Argentina soccer game), so I took it as an opportunity to leave the boy with him and go upstairs and spend some quiet time alone.  Earlier in the day Alex and I walked to the library (where we almost got kicked out due to his screaming.  Screaming because I wouldn't let him tear the pages out of all the books in the romance section) and I picked up four parenting books: one on potty training, two on disciplining toddlers and a "fluff book", funny stories about a SAHM's life.  I read the fluff book last night.  I tell you,it was pure heaven, just to lay on my bed, no one hanging off my leg or pulling my hair or smelling someone's |John's| farts.  Just reading a book for pure entertainment.  Just for me.  I'm going to try to do that more often, try to carve some time out of the week to just be alone, be quiet, not be needed.

Anyhow, the diet will continue and I'm going to make a more concerted effort to not go over my allowed calories.  I'm a stress eater, so if I try to give myself more breaks, maybe I'll be less stressed and therefore not snack as much.  I'm also hoping that this week's success will help me stay on track.

Here we go again

I admit, I haven't really tried that hard to loose my pregnancy weight. (Ok, almost two years later, it can't really be called pregnancy weight anymore, but humor me ok)  I lost 30 pounds about five minutes after I had Alex, and I guess I've just been hanging on to this other 30 pounds as a souvenir.  Luckily, I haven't gained a single pound in the almost two years since he was born, which is pretty much a miracle given the fact that I really, really like ice cream sandwiches.  I do walk about 2 miles every day, I've stopped going to the gym because it's just too nice outside not to take advantage of it, which is probably why I've maintained my current weight. 

I've tried several times to start dieting only to fail, more times than I'd like to admit, only half way through the first day.  I don't have any real incentive to loose weight right now, so I think that's why I've got little to no motivation to do what it takes to get in shape.  Despite the fact that I am undeniably overweight, I am still a good 50 pounds less than my heaviest (at the age of 22), so I don't feel all that bad about it.  John seems to be plenty attracted to me, and according to my doctor, I'm "boringly healthy".  Perfect blood pressure, low cholesterol... never once mentioning my weight.  Aside from being jigglier than I'd like, my weight doesn't seem to have much, if any, affect on my life.  So why diet?  I don't know.  I think I'm supposed to feel bad about myself at this weight, even though I don't really.  I think I'm supposed to want to get thinner.  Problem is, dieting is a huge commitment and it's hard to do if you don't really care about it.  So, I'm trying to care.  I'm trying to find some incentive to want to skip dessert and pump up my exercise regimen.  Here are a few ideas:

• I don't want to go into another pregnancy with old pregnancy weight.  I want to start fresh and gain brand new shiny pounds for the next baby.
• I have a closet full of clothes two sizes smaller than my current size.  They are cuter clothes than I have now.  I'd really like to be able to wear them this fall.
• If I'm on a diet, it's easier for John to diet and he really wants to loose weight
• It'll be nice to get to a weight that is reasonable, comfortable and maintainable so that I don't have to go through this dieting shit anymore.

And, that's all I've got really.  Maybe it'll be enough.  I'm going to start tomorrow.  My plan is simple, burn more calories than I take in.  I'll be attempting this by continuing my morning walks with Alex five days a week and watching my calorie intake (I plan to use a system simliar to WW Flex Points).

I don't want this to become a diet blog, but I will probably post a weekly update, if only for accountability purposes.  Wish me luck!