Soap Box

Let's get one thing straight. You are not a better mom than me.  By the same token, by no means do I think I am a better mom than you.  Newsflash:  PARENTHOOD IS NOT A CONTEST!

Admittedly, I have a lot of pet peeves, but none irk me more than the "Mommy Wars" and Sanctimommies.

I hate that I can't talk about breastfeeding or natural childbirth or my decision to be a stay at home mom without feeling like I have to qualify any discussion with "But I'm not one of those CRAZY people who think that whatever you choose is bad"  Because I don't. 

Here's a little not-so-secret: I didn't plan to birth Max with no pain medication.  I was completely non-committal about it, and took it contraction by contraction.  I'd had a bad experience with the epidural with my first birth and frankly, my desire to not do it again overpowered the pain of the contractions.  In fact, until I hit 8 cm, I really hadn't realized what I was about to do was birth a baby without pain relief.  It was all about putting off that epidural until I needed it.  By 8 cm, when I needed it, it was too late.

Was I brave? I don't know.  You could argue that I was being wimpy about my fear of another epidural.  John called me a bad ass and told me how proud of me he was.  Did that make me feel like a rock star?  HELL YEA!  Did he tell me the exact same thing when Alex was born?  Yea.  Does it even matter now?  Not really.  Do I think you too should not have an epidural?  Not necessarily.  For me, labor is fairly easy to manage until it suddenly isn't anymore around 8 cm.  For some women, the first contraction is unbearable.  All labors are different.  You do what you feel is right for you.

I breastfed both of my children for what I consider an extended period of time.  Alex for 9 months, Max for nearly 13 months.  I've written about my breastfeeding experiences here before.  Do I think formula is bad?  HELL NO!  Do I think I'm better than you because I breastfed?  HELL NO!  I did what I wanted to do for my children.  I wanted the experience of breastfeeding.  So much so that I pushed to too much with my first child when it wasn't working out and ended up having a bad experience.  Am I glad I tried it again with Max?  Yes, absolutely.  Do I think everyone should breastfeed?  No, if you don't want to, you certainly don't have too.  I do think there are benefits to breastfeeding, I won't lie, but I don't think any less of a woman who can't breastfeed or doesn't even want to try it.  It is a personal decision.

When my first son was about to turn one, I quit my full time career to be home full time with him.  I never, ever expected to do that.  The fact is, I was burnt out, stressed out and stuggling to balance my new family life with my old life as a career woman.  In the end, my husband and I decided that what was best for OUR family was for me to stay home with the kids, at least for the first few years of their lives.  To tell you the truth, I believe this decision has saved our marraige.  It wasn't bad, but it was certainly being strained.  We now live your typical 1950's style life.  The type of life I always said I didn't want, but that in practice, works for us.  Am I glad to have this time with my kids?  Yes.  Do I miss my job anyway?  Yes.  Do I think less of you if you have to, or simply choose to still work outside the home?  Of course not!

There are lots of other things that I have done or currently do that run along very heated opinion lines.  I cloth diapered my youngest son for 6 months until I got sick of it and quit.  I didn't have either of my boys circumcised.  I used a leash for Alex in public/busy places (amusement parks, airports, etc) until he learned to listen and stick close to me and fully intend to do so with Max.  I used a baby sling for both of my children and basically wore them for 6 months of their lives.  Max co-slept with us for 9 months in our bed.  I drive a minivan.  I only go out without my kids, maybe once a month, and while I'm gone, I miss them.  I can't help it.  This is getting better though.  I am raising my boys without religion until they are old enough to think freely and decide what they believe on their own (I will support them in whatever they choose). My kids eat junk food sometimes.  We watch a lot of PBS.  And, GASP! We also watch TV that isn't educational, like SpongeBob and SpeedRacer.

I have a very strict "I won't judge you if you don't judge me" policy.  I can assure you that I put a lot of thought into everything I do that affects my children.  I bet you do too.  I am constantly trying to make my children's lives happy and full.  I bet you do too.  I am trying as best I can to teach my children how to live healthy active lives.  I bet you do too.  My goal and reason for having children in the first place is to raise happy, healthy, social and productive people to help create an even better society in the future.  I bet you have a similar goal.

If we just do the best we can to raise our children, even if we all do it differently, I have no doubt that all of our kids will grow up to be just fine. 

/SoapBox

Comments

[Lauri]

I AGREE!!!
Thats really all I have to say because I agree with everything you just said. We all live different lives, but "dont judge me and I wont judge you"
Well said!

[AndreAnna]

You said it perfectly!!!

We see eye to eye on a lot of things. And on the things we don't, I respect your decision to do what's best for you and your family, as I do mine. I don't see why so many people have such a hard time with that.

Rock on! :)