Dillierama

Gone Fishing

I don't know if this vacation was great because it actually was, or because we needed it to be.  Either way, this week has been exactly what the four of us needed to relax and recoup from the week before, and really recover from all that's gone on this summer, between loosing dog-brother Griz, and Grandma Dillier, to almost loosing our newborn son and the unexpected loss of John's mom and the anniversary of my own father's death which always makes me extra emotional this time of year.  It's been a rough summer and we desperately needed some happy.

We started out by staying in John's dad's St George condo and visited the dinosaur tracks museum, we traveled on to Baker and got some Alien Fresh Jerky, then had dinner at the scummiest McDonald's ever in Victorville.  We got lost on our way to our hotel  and after 14 hours of driving (split over two days) all the while our three month old was cutting his first two teeth, we ended up in San Diego where Alex's eczema miraculously disappeared and we proceeded to have a wonderful vacation.

We spent the first two days celebrating Alex's third birthday at Sea World and saw everything except the Aquarium Del Mar and the Sesame Street "4D" movie. We let Alex pick out any toys he wanted at the gift shops (he bought a squeaky Shamu, a toy car, a coloring book and two smooshed pennies; one Shamu and one Elmo, both of which got lost somewhere in the van on the ride back to the hotel), we let him buy popcorn in a collectible bucket and a frozen lemonade in a souvenir Shamu sports bottle. We ate caramel apple funnel cakes and Killer Whale shaped cookies.  We spent a lot of time watching Beluga Whales.  We fed stinky fish to dolphins and sea lions.  We played in the Sesame Street play land.  We rolled our eyes at the over the top production of the Shamu show, but ooh ed and aahed anyway.  We laughed at the big fat pink walrus that crawled out of the water at the sea lion show.  We were nice to a mime.  We clapped manically for the flying dolphins.  We did not get splashed, even though we sat in the "Soak zone" for each and every show.  Mommy got sick on the spinning star fish ride and Daddy got nauseous on the Oscar the Grouch boat ride, Alex wanted to go on all the rides "AGAIN! AGAIN!"  All in all, Sea World exceeded our expectations and, for us, was worth the hefty entrance fee.

On Saturday we spent most of the day lazing around the hotel room then got bored so we went out to purchase a navigation system for no good reason other than John happened to mention it and I agreed that it would be a good idea seeing as how neither of us seem to have a very good sense of direction.  We got a Garmin and she has become our new best friend.  We all get in the car and ask her how to get where we're going.  We trust her completely, even though the first night we had her she led us on a meandering route through a less than desirable neighborhood.  She made up for it yesterday though, by suggesting and leading us to a kick ass restaurant in Old Town called Rockin' Baja Lobster.  Saturday night we went to a Padres game and our team won, meaning that they will not loose 100 games this season!  They were also having a 25% off sale at the gift shop so naturally, we came home with lots more Padres swag.

Sunday we visited seal beach at La Jolla Cove and it was beautifully foggy and cool.  It was fun to show Alex the seals relaxing on the beach after having seen them at Sea World.  Since it was overcast and cool, we went out to Ocean Beach, scored a perfect parking spot right at the entrance to the public beach and Alex and I collected sea shells and waded in the surf.

Today we went up to Fallbrook to visit my grandma (we'll be bringing her home with us to stay for a few weeks), we went to our favorite place to eat in Fallbrook, The Garden, for lunch (I had the Monte Cristo because I only get to have it once a year and it is worth every single one of the five kajillion calories) then came back to the hotel and swam in the pool.

We're leaving tomorrow, and it really feels too soon.  A week ago, I couldn't wait to take my family away from home.  Leave all of our stress and grief at our house and get away for a while.  We spent a week happily in denial-ville.  Putting aside, for a few days, everything that had happened just before we left.  Tomorrow we're going back, real life will be waiting for us on our doorstep.  I just hope that we've filled up our reserves enough to deal with it again.

Happy birthday Buddy

It's your third birthday!

 

You're wild, you're crazy, you're sweet, you're smart, you're funny, you are no longer my baby, now you're my little boy.  Three years ago today was the best day of my life.  You made me a mom, your mom, and becoming your mom changed everything.  I love you so much Buddy, and I am excited to watch you grow up and see who you become.

Yuck

Me:  "Did you notice that The Damn Cat* threw up in our room again"

John: "Yep"

Me:  "You know, what's the point of having a dog if she can't take care of those kinds of things for us?"

John:  "Why don't you show it to her"

Me:  "EEEEW!  I don't want to KNOW she ate it. Can't she just quietly clean it up just like Midnight used to do?"

John: "I suppose she's not that kind of dog"

Me: "I suppose not.  I guess that's a good thing."

John:  "Yep"

Me:  "So who's gonna clean it up?"

For the record, John did clean it up, but then found another pile of kitty hork under the baby's cradle and left it for me.  Fancy is clearly not pulling her weight in this area in my opinion.

*I have officially changed the cat's name to The Damn Cat formerly known as Maxine because a) the baby's name is Max and b) I call her The Damn Cat more often than Maxine anyway.

Proud

That's how I think Diane would have felt if she could have seen her kids today.  Proud.

John, Heidi, JP and Jen created a beautiful, loving and absolutely perfect memorial service for their mother.  They each got up and spoke at her graveside, and their words were moving and at times, heart wrenching.  At the end of the service they all stood with their arms around eachother while JP said a prayer, and it was a moment that I will remember forever.  They were always close, John and his siblings.  But this tragic event has brought them closer than ever. 

The funeral is over, but the grieving has just begun, and I am so thankful that John, his sisters and brother have eachother to lean on.  Of course Stephani, Nathan, Mike and I are here for them and offer our shoulders to cry on, but I suspect that the real healing will come from each other.

Fancy

Fancy Face Bennett Dillier

This is our new dog's name.  John insisted that we keep the name his mom gave her and just slap "Dillier" on the end.  I suggested hyphenating Bennett-Dillier, but he was vehemently against that for reasons unknown.

Something I'm not sure I wrote about here, but I certainly talked about a lot, was the fact that Diane spoiled Alex beyond all reason. I'm not kidding.  In the three years Alex has been alive PLUS the nine months he lived in my womb, we never saw Diane without her bearing armfulls (and all too often CARFULLS) of gifts for her grandson.  And yes, she brought twice as many gifts once there were two grandsons to spoil.  She took her role as the spoiling grandma very seriously, and it gave her untold amounts of joy.  Needless to say, Alex was always very excited to see Granmda Diane.  Not only did she spoil him with gifts, but she spoiled him with love.  Never once did she refer to Alex as "wild" or "unruly" or "holy terror on wheels".  To her, he was her boy.  "How's my boy!" she'd say to him when she came in the house, holding her arms wide for Alex to run into them.  She'd lift him up and swing him around in a big hug. 

I write this because I think it is all too fitting that Diane managed to spoil Alex rotten one last time.  In leaving behind a dog, a beautiful, sweet, great-with-kids chocolate lab who needed a home, Diane gave Alex a living, loving gift of a best friend, a partner in crime and a warm, furry, every day reminder of his Grandma.

 

Needed a laugh. This did the trick

Monster free

Alex was "rescuing" John this morning from an apparent monster invasion in our living room this morning.  Pushing him out of the room claiming "There's monsters in there, that's a scary room! Get out of that room!" 

Incidentally, he left his brother and me helpless in the monster infested living room without so much as a warning to evacuate. 

John was getting a little tired of not being allowed in the family room because of the scary, scary monsters, so I gave Alex a bottle of "monster repellent" - a squirt bottle filled with water - and told him he was a "Monster Buster".  He has taken on the responsibility of ridding our home of monsters with gusto.  I can tell you that our home is completely 100% monster free.  And quite soggy.

Nothing I can do

John's mother passed away yesterday.

I am not going to write about the circumstances surrounding her death.  That's private and certainly none of my business to write about.  However, since this blog is about me and my family and this event, this loss, is huge and will affect our lives.  Forever.  I feel like I need to address it somehow.

That said, I don't really know how or what to write.  John and I, and John's whole family, are still reeling from the shock of it.  I've been fumbling around just trying to find something I could do.  ANYTHING, to make this better, to make it easier, to make it not have happened at all somehow, which, of course is ridiuclous.  But my first instinct is to scream DO OVER!! I WANT A DO OVER!  Stop, rewind, and try again because yesterday went wrong.  SO very wrong and there has to be a way to do it over and do it right.

of course there's not.

Last night, John and I were up all night.  We talked for a while, but mostly we both just laid there, awake, quietly, both of us thinking.  At one point I rolled over and held him like he held me when my dad died.  But then the baby woke up and I had to attend to that and we ended up just laying in bed quietly, thinking until morning.

All that thinking made me realize that there are things I can do.  I can be supportive of John.  Be whatever he needs me to be, do whatever he needs me to do.  I can take care of Fancy, Diane's dog.  As John said, "She really loved that dog and I want to make sure she is taken care of".  And I can make sure that Alex and Max know about their Grandma Diane.  I can show them pictures of her, and tell them stories about her, and save the special things she made for them, so that they can appreciate them when they get older.  I can tell them that they had a grandma who loved them so very much and spoiled them beyond reason.  I can even remind Alex that he loved Grandma Diane "vewwy much" and she was at the hospital all night while I labored and when he was born she heard his first cries.  And she sat with me at Max's warmer when we weren't sure he was going to make it and when I thanked her for being there she said "nothing could keep me away. I need to be here".

I was lucky that I had a good realtionship with my mother-in-law, particularly the last couple of years, since the boys were born.  I loved Diane.  And I will miss her.  I do miss her.

Forever 29

Me:  (Examining my eyes and their accompanying wrinkles in the vanity mirror while in the car with John) "I think I need to get a better anti-aging eye cream.  The one I've been using is doing nothing for my crows feet"

John:  *grunts*

Me:  "Really Honey.  Avon has an eye cream that claims to take five years off your face"

John:  *grunts*

Me:  "I could stand to loose five years off my face.  I wonder how old I'd look.  Honey, how old do I look"

John:  (not looking at me) "You look 29"

Me:  "Really?  Do I really look 29?  Are you just saying that because you know that's what I want to hear?"

John:  "No, I'm saying you look 29 because that's how old you are"

Me:  *silence*

John:  (looks at me) "what?"

Me:  "I'm not 29"

John: "You're not?'

Me:  "no, I'm not"

John:  "Oh yea, you did turn 30 didn't you?"

Me: "Yes, while I was pregnant with Max.  I'm turning 31 next month."

John:  "Oh"

Me:  "So do I still look 29?"

John:  "um..."

Me:  "Never mind.  Yes. I'm 29."

A birthday wish

Does it make me some kind of weirdo freak if I am out of my mind excited about this (Body Worlds 3) exhibit?  John saw an ad in a magazine last week and saved it for me and I actually squealed with glee when I saw it and put it right up on our fridge.  Yes, I have a cut out flyer with a picture of a preserved dead man with no skin stuck on my refrigerator with an armadillo magnet, probably why I'm doing so well on my PHM September Challenge methinks.

John knew to save the ad when he saw it because I've been talking about it for no less than three years and had been hoping to stop in Vegas on one of our annual trips to San Diego to check it out.  Well, it never worked out to see it in Vegas, but now it's HERE! 

Guess where I'm asking John to take me for my birthday?  Now, I just need to decide if we should go to dinner before or after... or not at all.