Dillierama

When he's a rock star, you can say you knew him when...

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Project Hot Mom: Ok, so I lied, I'm going to diet. Damnit.

Ok, so I know that mere weeks ago I swore off diets forever, vowing to love my fat ass and flabby arms.  I know I said that rather than go on a restrictive diet to try to change my shape, I could just learn to dress and accessorize better.  Well, seeing as how I just can't seem to find a pair of earrings that go with my cellulite, I'm beginning to feel like I'm ready to get back up on that diet wagon once again and give it another go.

Ugh...I'm going on another diet. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

So, Project Hot Mom is back in full swing. I'm going to start with some small monthly goals, and revise them each month based on how the last one went. 

August's Goal: Loose 10 lbs (this is agressive, I know, but I'm betting I've got about five pounds of water weight in my legs alone I can loose in a week or two.)

And how?

• Go to Curves three days per week
• Take Alex and Middie for a 30 minute walk 5 days per week
• Eat out only once per week
• No more vending machine purchases at work.  Eat fruit or yogurt for snacks instead
• Breakfast and lunches should be light
• I've already stocked my freezer with Suppertime Freezer Fillers, so dinners shouldn't be hard to do, just need to make sure I am careful with the side dishes.
• Drink water only.  No more soda.  The only exception being when we go out to dinner once a week, I'll allow myself to get a drink.
• Report on this blog my weekly progress (Eek! Accountability!)

I start tomorrow!  Wish me luck!

Five comfort foods

1) Spagehtti ohs with sliced franks
2) Lynn Wilson frozen bean and cheese burritos
3) "Jamie Nachos" which are crushed up tortilla chips with melted cheese mixed together with ketchup and eaten with a fork (John can't even watch me eat this, he thinks it's gross)
4) Ruffles and French Onion dip
5) Bear claws (the kind without almonds)

Today's lesson:

You can't get a good night's sleep when there's a 10 month old boy in your bed. 

Alex slept with us last night, I vaguely remember him crying in the middle of the night so I brought him back to bed with us.  He spent the entire time flopping around and making sure he cuddled with his daddy as much as he cuddled with me.  You have to admire his fairness, but I think I'd rather he'd have stayed on Daddy's side so I could get some sleep.

Evil teeth of doom

It's a little known fact that Superman has not one, but two weaknesses:  Kryptonite, and teething. 

The Boy, he's been teething again.  He's getting his top two front teeth.

It starts with drool.  Not just a little spit here and there.  Not even a constant trickle out the corner of his mouth.  This drool requires us to purchase extra flood insurance.  The kid, he's soaking wet all the time. Rivers of saliva running down his chin, neck and chest 24 hours a day.  Nothing is spared from the spit bath. Our sofa is soaked, there are puddles of spit on the hardwood floors... It's like we live with Slimer from the Ghostbusters.

Then there's the ear pulling. I was actually worried last night that he'd just yank his left ear right off his head.  The ear pulling turns into just a general face and cheek rubbing that eventually turns into all out cries and wails that can not be soothed.

They have things to help, you might say to me.  And I'll respond that we have the cold teething rings, the vibrating gum massager, orajel...  I'm telling you NOTHING HELPS!

And my baby boy, he's the best kid ever.  He'll take a lot before he actually starts complaining.  But last night he was restless, he was angry, he'd open up his mouth real wide and scream in my face, spit flying everywhere.  His poor gums were swollen and red and two sharp little nubbins were breaking the surface.

It breaks my heart that there's not much I can do for him other than hold him close and let him sob on my shoulder. Poor little dude.

10 months

Alex, today, you are 10 months old. In just two months we'll be celebrating your one year birthday. Kid, you're growing up way too fast and I really have to ask you to slow it down a notch.  Let me catch my breath. 

A quick update on what you're doing these days:

• Hands and knees crawling, FAST
• Walking along furniture
• Walking behind a moving object like a walk-behind toy or just some random thing you happen to be shoving forward
• "Talking" and "singing" but not using English yet
• You can clap, but instead of clapping with your palms together, you slap the top of one of your hands, both palms facing down.
• You can wave, but you do it reluctantly, and I suspect you think it's a stupid custom that's beneath you.
• You can say the words "Dada" "Daddy" "Mama" and "Doggie" but we're still not sure if you know what they mean. You also say "NEEEEE!" when you're frustrated or angry with me. I suppose it could be your version of "no Mommy"
• You don't like lumpy food. You'll eat Cheerios if I allow you to feed yourself, but if I try to feed you a pea or a noodle, you throw up. You're still eating pureed foods.
• I think you're a natural nudist. You hate having a diaper put on. I'd let you run around naked but your dad has a poop phobia and is convinced that if you are out of your diaper for any amount of time you'll poop and pee everywhere. He's probably right.
• You are a climber. You will climb up on anything and everything and have amazing balance.
• You love water and your nightly bath seems to be the highlight of your evening.  You always stick a foam number in your mouth immediately and it stays there for the duration of the bath.

Baby Boy, I love you so much! I feel so privileged to be your Mommy.

Home again

Well we're back from vacation.  This trip definitely had it's highs and lows.  It wasn't what I'd hoped it would be, but it wasn't bad either.  I think the worst thing was it was just so damn hot and humid and my grandmother doesn't have air conditioning, so we were wet and sticky the entire time.  And for reasons still unknown to me, we spent a lot of time getting lost.  At one point we found ourselves on a winding mountain road in the middle of the night trying to get ourselves from a beach in Orange County to my grandmother's in Fallbrook. I'm still unclear on how that happened.  But on the bright side, Alex had a great time with his Great Grandma and he even got to play with his cousins Vincent and Raquel.  John got to spend two days at the Geek Convention and we (John, Alex and I) got to spend some quality time as a family that we haven't had since Alex was a newborn.

I knew that our vacations would radically change when we had a baby.  In the old days John and I would go out on the town, eat at expensive restaurants and have great hotel sex every night.  We'd go to the beach and play in the ocean, we'd go shopping, we'd get drunk in the hotel bar, we'd stay up late watching bad cable shows and sleep in until noon.  Vacations were truly relaxing and fun and carefree.  This vacation, after schlepping a ridiculous amount of luggage from the airport to the car rental place to my grandmother's and then back again, we struggled with a broken stroller, Alex's skin allergies, off schedule feedings and naps, trying to navigate said broken stroller through hordes of sweaty geeks (at ComicCon), waking at 6AM like clockwork every morning for Alex's morning bottle and snuggles... it really felt more like work than vacation.

But, even though this wasn't the perfect vacation by my pre-Alex standards, this vacation offered memories I'll have forever:

• John trying (successfully!) to fix our broken stroller in a hot parking garage.
• John also handled the bulk of the baby wrangling which gave me the opportunity to watch my boys interacting.
• Alex's first reaction to the waves at the beach (laughing)
• John stopping dead in his tracks as we're walking back to the car from the beach and saying "I really love you"
• Driving (lost!) on a mountain road in the middle of the night thinking about how we'll probably break down and get killed by wild California bears and John, always the optimist, saying "Well, I'm sure this is a real scenic drive in the daytime"
• Getting to take morning "family naps" with Alex snuggled between us
• Watching Alex play with my grandma, her trying to teach him "patty cake" and him "helping" her pick oranges
• Feeling happy when we landed in Utah and felt the wonderful dry, dry heat.

Off we go!

We're about to embark on our very first vacation with The Boy. Normally, for a week long vacation, John and I can make do with one carry on each.  But for this trip, we'll both have two carry ons, plus we're checking two bags and a stroller.  Four of the six bags we're taking (plus the stroller) are for Alex.  AND, the minute we hit San Diego, we'll have to go straight to the store for diapers and food because I didn't want to pack that stuff. 

Now, I have a tendency to overpack anyway, but this just seems ridiculous.  I've gone over and over it, and yes, we have to take all this crap.  Here's the breakdown:

• Bag 1 (check):  All that is in this bag is his playpen. I'm going to try to shove some flip flops in there too, just so it doesn't seem so silly to have one whole bag with just a play pen.
• Bag 2 (check):  A portable high chair.  All of his bath stuff, including his medicated lotions, and hypoallergenic soaps (have to take all of this because of his super sensitive mutant eczema).  All of his clothes and jammies.  Bibs and baby spoons.  His ComicCon outfit (he's going to be dressed as Darth Vader).  Baby sunblock and beach towels.
• Bag 3 (carry on):  Toys. 
• Bag 4 (carry on):  Diaper bag full of supplies to last one day
• Bag 5 (carry on):  John's stuff
• Bag 6 (carry on):  My stuff
• Stoller (check)

So, I think that covers it.  I can't think of a single thing that we may need that I haven't already either packed or planned for.  Of course, as always we'll get there and find out I've forgotten our toothbrushes or something...

Five things you'll never hear me say

1) I'm going to be spending my vacation at a nudist colony!
2) Go ahead and leave the toilet seat up Honey, I really don't mind
3) I can't wait for my next episiotomy! 
4) Gee, I wonder how much it would cost to have a BDSM dungeon built in our basement.
5) Let's go see Celine Dion's show in Las Vegas!

Dreamland

So apparently I've begun to talk in my sleep.  Two nights in a row now, John has told me that I've woken him up with my jabbering and laughing in my sleep. Apparently Tuesday night I woke him up laughing and told him that Alex was being funny.  Last night apparently I was speaking in tounges, he couldn't understand what I was saying.

This worries me.  Who knows what trouble my dreams could get me into with John! The ones I remember usually center around my day to day life with John and Alex, sometimes with a scary clown or a poker playing unicorn thrown in.  But since I've seen Superman Returns, Brandon Routh has been known to make an appearance from time to time, and for John's sake, I hope I can manage to keep my yap shut while flying around Metropolis with him.  A man doesn't need to be woken up in the middle of the night to his wife saying "Fly me Superman! Fly me!"