Dillierama

Moving cheese

"I'm worried about him"

Teacher Patty had come up to me when I was picking Alex up at preschool to talk about Alex's behavior since he started Winter term last week.

"He doesn't listen, he's out of control, he's angry, he's...well, he's like a different kid."

I knew he'd been acting like this at home, I had no idea he was acting like this at school too. He LOVES school and last term had shown so much improvement in his behavior I was certain he was on the way to being ready for Kindergarten next year.  But now, well, he's worse now than he was before he started preschool at all.

I told her that the only thing that had changed since last term was that I started working.

"Ooooooh. Well, that would do it." Teacher Patty said nodding her head "he's having trouble adjusting to Mom being gone."

Thing is, Alex doesn't usually have trouble adjusting to anything. He LIKES change. He's my easy going kid.  Also, it's not like I'm gone all day, I'm home by the afternoon. Not to mention, he's still at home with Dad, it's not like we've sent him off to daycare where he's in a strange environment with strange people. 

Now granted, John is a stricter parent than I am. I've always been a bit lenient, I pick my battles with the boys and only really dig in my heels if they're doing something I feel is totally unacceptable.  But John doesn't put up with nearly as much as I do and I've actually gotten on board with this and so Alex has been suffering through many more timeouts than before.

But it's not all bad, I've been trying to make up for my being gone in the mornings and all the extra discipline at home by making sure Alex and Max get to do lots of fun stuff. Much more often than before we're going to museums, the zoo, the park, indoor playgrounds, etc., etc.  I've been making a point to do something one on one with Alex at least once a week.

I guess that's not enough though.  I'm hoping that this big change in his behavior really is just him adjusting to our new home life.  I'm just going to try to give him even more positive attention, try to do even more stuff with him one on one. I'm also going to make a bigger effort to get our family on a routine. I'm really at a loss as to what else I can do.

Itchy no more

I feel like I can say it now. Alex is eczema free.

I can't believe it.

If you weren't around Alex as a baby, you don't know how significant this is.  The poor kid was COVERED in eczema. From the age of three months until, well, September of last year, he had constant skin problems.  It could be anywhere from a patch on his hand to a full body breakout.  He seemed to always have these horrible patches of red, itchy, oozing, skin that would get infected constantly.  He never had that sweet soft baby skin other babies have.  Well, he had it, in between the swollen patches of itchy weeping skin I guess.  We've tried every topical cream from the over the counter 1% hydrocortizone to Elidel to steroid creams to oral steroids.  He's had to be on many different antibiotics because of all the skin infections.  We've gone through HUNDREDS of bottles of hypoallergenic lotions and make sure to wash his clothes and bedsheets in hypoallergenic detergents.

The pediatrician's office even nicknamed him "sandpaper boy". Yeah, nice.

And now, it's over. Just like that.

I don't know if it's just the more humid climate or the softer water or cleaner air or what, but whatever it is, Oregon has cleared up my boy's skin and now, well, now he's just a normal kid.  He's not frantically scratching his skin off and I'm not constantly applying bandaids and antibacterial ointments to the open sores and I only apply skin lotion after his bath if I remember to do it.  He hasn't been on an antibiotic since we've moved and I've actually thrown out the tube of Elidel (risk of skin cancer with prolonged use).

On one hand, I'm just thrilled. On the other hand I'm frustrated that all we had to do to give our baby a better quality of life was move to Oregon! This whole time, we SHOULD have been in Oregon!  I wouldn't have the worry of him having an immunity to antibiotics, or risk of lymphoma from Elidel or shrunken balls from the steroids (his balls are fine. I hope!), had we just moved to Oregon 4 years ago.

Oh well, we're here now.

Alpha Boy

Max knows the alphabet.  Well, most of it anyway. 

He can't sing the alphabet song or anything, but he can identify about 80% of the letters in the alphabet.  When we're reading a book, he'll point to a letter and say "K!"  or pick up an alphabet magnet and say "B!". We have big foam letters for "A" and "M" and he likes to carry around his "M" and say "M! mmmmmM!"  He'll point to the "A" on Alex's superhero cape and say "A!"  You get the idea. The kid knows his letters.

But how?  I didn't TEACH him his letters.  He's a year and a half old, he should be learning to talk, not spell.  Yet, somehow, some way, he's managed to learn both.  We've focused a lot the last year on teaching Alex the alphabet and writing letters, so I guess that Max has been watching and listening and learning too.  Either that or he's really paying attention when he watches WordWorld. Maybe both.

He's been demonstrating his knowledge of the alphabet for at least a month, and strangely, I've been hesitant to talk about it. I guess I feel like people would think I'm some kind of crazy early learning flashcard mom or something. I didn't do ANYTHING to encourage Max to start learning the alphabet, he just is absorbing these things all on his own.  Which is pretty cool.

So yes, my youngest child is some kind of brilliant alphabet learning prodigy and no, I can't take any credit for it.  It's all him.

Things I hate for absolutely no good reason

• The words "Preggo" and "Preggers". When I was pregnant, if people used these words in reference to me, I had to physically restrain myself from punching them in the nose.  I always preferred "pregnant", "with child", "bun in the oven" or "knocked up"
• Those rollerskate shoes. My boys will never, EVER own a pair of those. Ever.
• Pickles.  Actually, anything pickled is bad.
• Raisins in cookies. Why? WHY??? In fact, I'm against any fruit or nuts (that aren't macadamia) in baked goods.
• Donny Osmond
• Candy that is not made of chocolate. Particularly candy that is "gummy"
• Sappy music.  Think "Butterfly kisses" and that "I'm proud to be an American" song you ALWAYS hear on the 4th of July. Bleh.
• The sound of kissing. I can deal with it if it's me doing the kissing, but if I'm hearing other people do it, even on tv or in a movie, I get completely grossed out.
• Dog tounge. I HATE being licked by dogs. HATE HATE HATE!
• Live action Disney movies
• Watching gymnastics (I don't turn on the TV at all during the summer Olympics)
• Dentists. This one annoys John because I will go on and on and on about how evil dentists are if he so much as mentiones he has a toothache.
• Champagne. I love wine, but the bubbles in champagne, for some reason, really turn me off.

Because I love you

"Because I love you" has become Alex's go to reason for why he should have or do things. It makes absolutely no sense, but strangely seems to work.

"Mommy, I want some gum"
"Why do you need gum?"
"Because I love you."

"Alex, don't jump on the couch"
"I have to!"
"Why do you have to?"
"Because I love you."

"Why are you sitting on your brother"
"Because I love you.
"Carry on then"

Sometimes I think that the amount of love I feel for my children is too much. Like it borders on insane or maybe even obsessive. It's too much and yet every day it grows exponentially, and I think, it can't possibly get bigger, I can't possibly love them more.  And yet it grows.

I think this is ok though, even if I am crazy, literally, crazy in love with my boys, because if the worst thing I do to them is love them too much, it won't require too many years of therapy (for them) right?

Max wears snow boots ALL DAY LONG. He wears them when he's in his feetie jammies, he wears them when he's dressed, he wears them when he's naked. If he's not wearing them, he's crying "BOOOOOOTS!"

Superficial Resolutions

Shamelessly stealing from AndreAnna, I too am going to create my list of Superficial Resolutions:

• Get dressed up and go on a REAL date with John at least twice. (This means NO children, and must include food, alcohol and some sort of activity. Movies are acceptable as long as they're in a theater)
• Spend a weekend at the beach with the boys
• Taste more beers. I live in Portland for God sakes!
• Keep my wine rack better stocked.
• Get better about using my reusable grocery bags. I really do prefer them because they hold more and are stronger, yet I seem to forget every week.
• Get a new tattoo
• Clean the Dilliermobile regularly. Seriously, I'm pretty sure I'm composting in there.
• Get rid of clothes I don't wear. Fat clothes, skinny clothes, ugly clothes...the only exception is my wedding dress (which really, I should get rid of because when will I ever wear THAT again?)
• Learn karate
• Have my engagement diamond reset. It's current setting is broken and since I have a diamond in my wedding band, I think maybe I'll have it set in a pendant instead of a ring.
• Get pedicures once a month. ALL YEAR LONG. Because I'm worth it damnit!
• Stop biting my nails and picking at my cuticles. It's gross. I need to stop, my hands are a mess.
• Try to get over the fact that it is unbearable for me to be licked by the dog. She's just trying to be nice. Bleh. This one will be difficult.

2009 in review

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
 Moved out of Utah. Ok, so technically I've moved from state to state before (California to Utah when I was 3 years old) but this is the first time I made the decision to make a big move as an adult.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

No and yes, see this post.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but an old high school friend adopted a baby girl and my two sisters-in-law are both pregnant (a girl and a boy. ANOTHER BOY!!! SQUEEEE!)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. I had a relative pass away, but I didn't know her very well.

5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
For both John and I to be happy in our jobs.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Getting in the car and following John in the moving truck away from our home in Utah and toward our new life in Oregon. So many unknowns, everyone in our family mad at us, but hopeful that this was the right decision for our family.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
It's a really "soft" type of achievement, but feel like I really came into my own as a mother in 2009. I feel like something "clicked" and I finally knew exactly what kind of mother I want to be for my boys.  I feel like I was much more confident in the decisions I made for them and our family in general.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't really see any big failures. Some would say that we should have sold the house and got jobs before we left for Oregon, but, I don't know, despite the whole house fiasco in Utah that's currently going on, I still feel like we made the best decision we could have given our situation.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I fell on my knees (due to Fancy yanking on the leash to chase another dog). I still can't kneel (this is sad, sad news to John you understand). I also got the flu.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
It's funny, I said the Garmin last year, and this year we bought a second Garmin for our second car. Still the best thing EVER! Use it every day.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My kids have been through a lot of changes, from moving and leaving their family and friends to Mommy going back to work. They've taken it all in stride and I am so proud of them! 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
  I got very depressed for a while due to the way our families were reacting to our decision to move. I understood why they felt that way, but John and I were already scared and worried. We were unemployed with a family to support, bills to pay and we were trying very hard to make the best decisions we could with the situation we were in. We needed SUPPORT from the people we loved, instead we got guilt.  Thankfully everyone came around. And those who didn't, well, they ACTED like they came around. That meant everything to us and their eventual support gave us the strength to push through the unknown.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Our entire savings is gone because we used it to move to Oregon and lived on it until we found jobs.  So, I guess it went to food/housing/etc.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My trip to Mexico with my cousins, aunts and Grandma.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
The SpongeBob SquarePants theme song because my kids sing it ALL DAY LONG! 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
I'm about the same, until I got all stressed out about the move and unemployment, I could have said thinner, but I've pretty much gained most of what I'd lost in 2009 back already c) richer or poorer? but not for long!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
exercising (same as last year)

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
eating (same as last year)

20. How did you spend Christmas? Dinner with John's cousins in Vancouver, working, playing with the toys Santa left with the boys.


21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Oh Oregon, how I love thee...

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Whose line is it anyway (US version). I started recording reruns of this on the DVR and I love it just as much now as I did back in the 90's when it originally aired.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not really, I still hated Glen Beck in 2008.

24. What was the best book you read?
Change your thoughts, change your life. It's basically The Tao Te Ching with commentary by Wayne Dyer.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? MIKA! How did I not know about him before??


26. What did you want and get?
I wanted to leave Utah for 20 years. AND I DID!

27. What did you want and not get?  A well paying job. I got a job, but it doesn't pay very well.  
  

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
We saw a lot of great movies this year thanks to NETFLIX.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 32 this year and we didn't do much of anything. Birhdays aren't a big deal for me.  John did give me a wad o' cash and a mom necklace which was awesome :)
 
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to have used up our savings and get back into credit card debt.
  
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Jeans and t-shirts are prety much all I wear.

32. What kept you sane?
My husband and children.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? hmmm, none really I guess.
  

34. What political issue stirred you the most? States keep denying gays the right to marry.  Seriously straight people WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?
  

35. Who did you miss?
My mom.  I didn't realize how much I took for granted that she's always 10 min away.  Now she's 2 DAYS away!

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I've met a bunch of cool new people the last few months

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Enough is enough. This year we've had too much (money, stuff, space...) and we've had too little (money, stuff, space...).  My goal moving forward is to just have enough. Give away extra, and strive for more when we NEED it only.
 
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Dance your cares away
Worry's for another day
Let the Fraggles play
Down in Fraggle Rock!

Currently accepting donations for the Dillier Orthodontic Fund

Alex, at 4 years old, still sucks his thumb.

Max, at 18 months, still takes a bottle.

I KNOW!  Ok, I KNOW!

I'd hoped to get Alex off the thumb by his fourth birthday. We talked about it constantly for months. "What happens when you turn four?" "I don't suck my thumb!"  He's four years and three months old and I think the thumb sucking is getting worse. We'd whittled it down to early morning and before bed, but lately it's been constant.  It's a comfort thing, something he does when he's anxious or upset or scared or tired... And this is exactly why I haven't wanted to push him to give it up. I want him to be able to self soothe. I think it helps him to be more independant.  But dude, he's FOUR!  And his teeth, well, lets just say we're going to need to start saving for orthodontic work pretty soon. I suspect he's sucking him thumb more often now because it seems the last five months or so have been constant change and upheaval of his life; we moved, he started preschool, Mommy's gone back to work...

Same with Max, he'll drink anything but milk out of a sippy cup, but he insists on a bottle (filled with juice or milk) in the morning when he wakes up, before his afternoon nap and before bed, and since I've gone back to work, it's been "bobboo! BOBBOOO!" all day long.  And because it's his soothing device, we give in.

**As an aside, I never planned on Max really taking a bottle, he was breastfed for 13 months and I thought he'd go from breast to sippy cup.  So I've never bought bottles for him.  What he drinks out of now are three (out of the original 8) 5oz breast milk storage bottles that I used when I went to Mexico last April.  He even still uses a low flow nipple. I keep thinking it's silly to buy bottles when he won't be using them for much longer...here we are SIX MONTHS LATER!**

It is my personal opinion that aside from orthodontic concerns, thumb sucking and bottle drinking aren't hurting anyone here.  And it is also my personal opinion that forcing my children to give up their soothing habits would be worse than letting them hold on to them a little bit longer.  And I won't deny that it is much easier for us to pop a bottle into Max's cry-hole or let Alex fume in timeout with his blankie and thumb than fight about it with them.

I think once life settles down for us we'll try a little harder to encourage the boys to find other ways to self soothe.  Until then, yes, my preschooler is a thumb sucker and my toddler runs around with a bottle in his mouth just like Suri Cruise.